q4k: my friend doesn’t like my boyfriend


I have been dating the same guy for several months now, but my friend thinks I can do better. We are really close and she is usually pretty wise, but it is still frustrating.

– a frustrated friend

This is such a tricky situation. I wrote last week to somebody that wrote about how they don’t like their friend’s boyfriend and asked for advice. One of the challenging aspects of dating is that anybody you date is a representation of yourself whether you want them to be or not. Anybody that you date is inadvertently an extension of yourself. This only further contributes to the stress of the situation. As the friend in this situation, it can be frustrating that your friend does not view the situation the same way; but as the friend with the boyfriend, it can be incredibly challenging to have a friend not like your significant other.

The additional element to this problem is that the response you take is going to vary by your personality. My best bet is to give advice based on what I would do in this situation, but please understand that there is no cookie-cutter, right or wrong answer… thus why it is such a conundrum.

If it were me though, I would evaluate what I think my friend’s motives in not liking my boyfriend might be. If I feel that they have my best interest at heart and want the best for me, I would have an honest conversation asking them why they aren’t a fan. The problem with this approach is that it is incredibly direct and while I have a more direct personality, this might not be the approach for everybody. My take on it though is that if you are really close to this friend, you should be able to go to them and ask for their honest thoughts and it not impact your friendship.

Then.. take that advice and sit with it. Imagine if the roles were reversed how you would feel. If this is a close friend that knows you well, there is likely a reason they are not a fan.

So.. ultimately my advice is communication. Communicate with your friend. And while I am not saying that your friend is always right because each individual situation is incredibly different, true friends are worth listening to and considering their opinions, even if you still do not agree in the end. You don’t have to take their advice (or mine either for that matter) but my advice would be to have a real and honest conversation with your friend, think about it, and make a decision with all of the information you have.

And one last piece of advice- never have regrets for a decision you made. If you made a certain decision then you chose that decision as the best option based on the information you had at the time, so live intentionally yet free.

ps. I would also advise your friend read my advice for friends who don’t like their friend’s boyfriend HERE 🙂

xo KP

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